Between You and I
by watermelyn
Summary: Between you and I, I still keep your pictures underneath my bed. - Dean/Seamus, Seamus/implied Lavender. T because of one swear word.


_Would you believe me if I said I was sorry_  
><em>The question wasn't mean to hurt,<em>  
><em>It was just my fear of losing you.<em>

'You're not bloody leaving me!' Seamus cried, his voice already hoarse from yelling. Dean stood at one end of his London bedroom with a backpack in his hand, strangely calm. He smiled sadly, tears welling up in his soft brown eyes. Seamus fought back to urge to cry too — he would not appear weak in front of Dean. It was obvious Dean already thought he was.

'What if ye don't come back, Dean? What if ye die out there?' Seamus yelled. He punched the wall beside him.

'I'll come back,' Dean said, dropping his bag. 'I promise.'

'Why don't ye want me to come with ye? Is it because I'm not feckin' good enough to keep up with ye? Is that it?' Seamus threw his hands in the air and roared in frustration, startling Dean.

'Seamus…' Dean looked hurt. He walked toward Seamus with his arms open. 'I have to go now. I love you.'

Seamus pushed him away.

'Don't you dare! Don't feckin' say that!'

Seamus breathed heavily, unaware of the hot, salty tears coursing down his cheeks. Dean stood and looked at him for a long minute, before picking up his bag again and hoisting it onto his shoulder.

'Don't feckin' leave without me!

'Goodbye.'

Seamus ran to Dean, but by the time he reached the spot, Dean had already disappeared with a loud _pop_.

_And now you're filling all the space that surrounds you_  
><em>I'll soon be tucked away underneath your bed<em>  
><em>Where you gave yourself to me.<em>  
><em>Where I gave myself to you.<em>

Dean never once answered the letters Seamus sent him. Seamus never even knew if the letters reached him. He never knew where Dean was, but every friday he trudged up to the owlery and send his owl off with a new letter. Every friday night, he crawled into Dean's old bed (he could pretend it still smelled like him) and prayed to a god he wasn't sure existed that this time —no, _this_ time— Dean would respond.

Seamus supposed Dean had forgotten about him.

_Maybe it's all for the best,_  
><em>But I just don't see any good in this, no.<em>  
><em>Maybe we'll find something better<em>  
><em>But the lovers that leave us<em>  
><em>Will always hold the place<em>

Seamus didn't get it. He didn't understand why Dean had to run away without him — though if he was honest with himself, he knew that it wasn't running away. It was escaping.

_Maybe it was wrong of me to think I could keep you_  
><em>And maybe it's the last few drinks<em>  
><em>Taking over my mouth and all I've been thinking<em>

Maybe Seamus had just been kidding himself all along, thinking Dean cared about him. Someone who really loved him wouldn't have left him alone, to be tortured and beaten and insulted and maimed and broken by those twins, so disgustingly inhuman it hurt to look at them.

Eventually, Seamus began using the passage between the Room of Requirement and the Hog's Head for more than just a means of escape and a way to get food. Some nights, he wouldn't return to Hogwarts at all, and in his drunken stupor, he'd forget all about Dean and the Carrows.

_I want you to know that I am fine here without you_  
><em>But I can't bring myself to lie to you.<em>  
><em>And since we're being honest, I feel I should tell you<em>  
><em>I've been filling up the empty space between you and I<em>

She was beautiful, yes, even with the scars now criss-crossing her long arched back. Scars from the whips the Carrows had forced him to use on her. She was beautiful and she was funny and soft and sensual and caring and she was perfect. She was _there._ Always there, bandaging his bleeding hands or offering comfort in the form of a hug and a kiss.

_Between you and I, she could never compare to you_  
><em>Between you and I, I still keep your pictures underneath my bed<em>  
><em>Where she gives herself to me.<em>  
><em>Where I give myself to you.<em>

She just wasn't Dean.

_Maybe it's all for the best,_  
><em>But I just don't see any good in this, no.<em>  
><em>Maybe we'll find something better<em>  
><em>But the lovers that leave us<em>  
><em>Will always hold the place, oh…<em>

And maybe Dean would come back. Maybe everything would go back the way it was before. Maybe everything would stop being so fucked up and Dean would hold Seamus and tell him it was all a bad dream, and that the Carrows and Snape and Yaxley and the others had never even existed. That the scars were just his imagination.

And maybe Dean wouldn't come back.

Seamus didn't know how much longer he could hold on.

_Maybe it's all for the best,_  
><em>I just don't see any good in this, no.<em>  
><em>Maybe we'll find something better<em>  
><em>But the lovers that leave us<em>  
><em>Will always hold the place<em>  
><em>Yeah the lovers that leave us<em>  
><em>Will always hold the place<em>


End file.
